2002-08-08

am i just deaf and dumb, staring at the sun?

my shampoo was tested on animals. my shoes are made of leather. i don't dispose of my batteries properly, surely resulting in environmental disaster. sometimes i leave the light on in the bathroom, wasting electricity, and i'm sure that many of the clothes i own were made by children in sweatshops.

am i just the biggest hypocrite you've ever met? i feel like one.

its so difficult having your own idea of how the world should work, when much of it is drastically different from reality. what am i supposed to do? run off to a utopian society in a remote part of canada?

does working within the boundaries of mainstreem society justify the reconciliation of one's ideals with those of society, even when they are at polar opposites? because it seems like it has to be all or none. at least that's the vibe i get. you're either a vegetarian, or you're not; an environmentalist, or not. so when i ate that one shrimp at dinner the other night, even though i felt immensely guilty afterword, i'm not a vegetarian? is that how its supposed to work?

but i have a question. if you cut yourself off from society completely, how do you think society will ever change, move forward? its like in the movie slc punk when the anarchist guy finally gives in and goes to law school. he realizes that more will be accomplished from within the system.

but doing so means that part of yourself has to be compromised. i have yet to find a way to live an entirely environmentally-friendly-cruelty-free life style. but is that okay, must i be expected to find one? is it even possible nowadays? i try my hardest, i honestly do, but its difficult sometimes. but i'm not going to stop staring at the sun.