Thursday, May. 08, 2003

you were not the same after that

I realized something last night. I didn't cross any threshold that evening when I walked across the stage dressed all in white and smiled for a picture while my diploma cover was handed to me. An era of my life didn't end last may it ended this one. When I finished high school, I was still the same person. I still knew the same people. And we were all still the same and could only imagine what the next year would bring us. That era of my life did not close until the end of my freshmen year of college. When I am returning home after living away in the city for nine months a completely different person.

Well, I wouldn't say completely.. I still love you all back home and (i hope at least) that will always be true. But I definitely don't feel like the same person who nervously stepped into this residence hall late in August of last year, overwhelmed and unsure.

Right now feels kind of reminiscent of that time. There is this overall feeling of sadness that dominates my thoughts. I'm sad because its time to say goodbye to everyone I love here, sad because my first year of college, however hard or stressful it may have been, is over and now just a memory, and sad because from now on, whether I'm coming home or returning to school, there will always be people I have to say goodbye to, and there will always be people I look forward to seeing again, and the bipolarity is somewhat hard to deal with.

I'm also very happy; to be coming home, for summer, to see all the people I love and haven't seen in weeks, or months, to all of the adventures I will have this summer. I'm happy because despite some difficulties I feel like I've had a successful and productive year.

I'm sitting here waiting for my mom to come and take me home for the summer. Where I can go and regress back into my old life. and then commence everything again three months later. but its time to go. green light, go.