Friday, Aug. 27, 2004

(un)expectations

well . . . i guess i might as well be leaving tomorrow since my flight leaves at 5am on sunday. i still don't know what to think about this. i'm not nervous, i'm not afraid. maybe i should be. i just don't know. i feel so incredibly far from being even close to ready. but i guess for something like this you can never really be ready, there comes a point where you just have to wrap everything up and leave, and surrender to the fact that you're bound to forget something.

its also hard to get over the fact that even though my flight takes off in i'll say 24 hours, it will still be another 24 hours before i even arrive in cape town. i mean really, if you're going to be on a plane for more than 20 hours then you might as well never get there at all. i feel like however long i perceive the flight to be will feel longer than the entire duration of my time in south africa. i kind of hope it is though . . . i am looking forward to coming back. that is when you appreciate things like this the most.

i don't want to say what i think south africa will be like because i have no idea. i doubt the pictures you see in guide books nearly do the country justice. even when you actually visit a place, the way it looks to you changes over the weeks you spend there as it becomes more familiar. and it seems like one's experience of the culture depends entirely on how much, and what parts, you want to experience. i don't know what i'll do. they don't give us many answers.

ahhh thinking about everything i have to do just overwhelms me, so i think i'll just stop right here.